When Gypsies Love

March 31, 2014 posted by Vicki in Dot Dot Dot

Photo by Hillary Weekes

I’m sad to hear about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s breakup when their celebrity marriage was seemingly ideal and kept private (read the article in Goop here) But the modern way they call it a “conscious uncoupling” instead of that dreaded word “divorce” speaks to my inner gypsy. Under their short letter, Dr Sadgehi and Dr Sami have a very good article about how marrying “the one” isn’t an all-or-nothing deal anymore but instead a daily renewal. It’s about refocusing on how we see our partners as teachers, helping us to evolve spiritually instead of our total bliss. It is true sometimes that marriage coming apart means something better coming together. I especially think this is true in marriages with children.

     By the time I made up my mind to leave my 10-year marriage four years ago, I was spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and utterly exhausted. I didn’t know who I was anymore or why I was still trying to make the marriage work. Was it for my 5-year-old son, Enzo, who must have felt the same sadness and confusion that I felt? Was it because of my mother, who has always taught me that marriage is a covenant before God and therefore must never be broken? Or was it because I didn’t want to face such a huge, personal failure?

     We all go into marriage with much love, faith and hope and yes, as the good Drs Sadgehi and Sami mention, with an idealization about our partners and about marriage. Then when the veil is lifted from our eyes, and our partners aren’t the saints we once thought they were, the marriage falters.

     I was never blinded about who my ex-husband was – just perhaps we were never meant to last. Perhaps our purpose in this life together was to bring an extraordinary human into this world – our son – and to raise him to be the best person he can be. We were awful together at being married. Not all the time, but most of the time, and we were both to blame.

     It’s been a year and a half since our annulment. I feel changed, I feel alive. Most of all, I feel my spiritual connection to the world. As for my ex, we get along better apart than we ever did together – because of Enzo. When it comes to raising him, we are on the same page. We agree on who he is, what his strengths are, what his faults are and how we can help him improve. Of course we still have our own weaknesses, but gone are the petty arguments and in its place are understanding and of course, a deep love for our son.

     Gypsies are never meant to stay in one place for very long. That’s just their nature. No matter who you are, you can always be inspired from the gypsy mindset: love with all your heart, have an open mind, stay true to yourself, chase your dreams, live life, learn the lessons and leave the unnecessary baggage behind.

May all your gypsetting dreams come true,

Vicki